


Schadenfreude

by PuppiesRainbowsSadism



Category: Supernatural
Genre: D/s relationship, Dom Drop, Dom!Cas, M/M, Sub!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 07:42:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4617021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuppiesRainbowsSadism/pseuds/PuppiesRainbowsSadism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas can't be Sam's Dom anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Schadenfreude

**Author's Note:**

> For crystalfeathers on tumblr.
> 
> I was originally going to go about this in a different way, but after reading up a bit more on “drops” in BDSM, I changed my mind. I still might write the version I initially intended, but now, here’s something completely different.
> 
> D/s Sastiel, dom!Cas, sub!Sam
> 
> Mentions of edging, whipping, and bondage, but no explicit mentions of anything.

Castiel hasn’t been acting like himself recently. Sam’s noticed, of course, but he doesn’t want to ask about it with Dean in the room. For all Sam knows, it could develop into a deeply personal conversation, something no one else should be present for.

The problem is that Dean is always around. Just when Sam’s about to ask Cas about what’s bothering him, Dean will pop into the room with a case or beers or dinner or even just a question. His unintentional inconvenient timing is annoying at best.

However, Cas seems to notice Sam’s irritation, so the next time they’re alone, he pulls the hunter into a kiss that obviously confuses Sam, but he rolls with it, and when Dean walks in, he makes a gagging noise and immediately leaves.

“Let’s take this somewhere private,” Castiel mutters. In any other context, that’d be sexy as hell, but as it is, there’s a distant look in Cas’s eyes as he refuses to meet Sam’s, and leads the way to their bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Sam immediately steps forward to cradle Cas’s face in his hands, a touch Cas would normally lean into with a small smile and nothing short of adoration in his eyes. But this time, he wrenches away from the contact, leaving Sam feeling confused and more than a little hurt. Cas still won’t meet his eyes.

“You’re going to ask me what is wrong,” Cas states, and it is a statement, not a question.

“How’d you know?”

Cas smiles a little, but it’s dry and humourless and gone as quickly as it came. “Even if I were not an angel, I’ve known you long enough. Your concern is written plainly on your face.”

“Okay, since you beat me to the punch,” Sam started, flinching a little because that sounded more aggressive than he intended, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Cas bites his lip. He opens and closes his mouth a couple of times in silence, then bites his lip again and takes a deep breath. “I can’t do this anymore, Sam.”

Sam’s heart sinks – plummets, really – and for a moment, he wonders if he’s back in the Cage because he’s never felt so cold. “W-what?”

“I can’t … dominate you anymore. I just can’t. If you’d like to find another Dom that can meet your needs better than I can, I wouldn’t – “

Sam holds up his hands. The urge to reach out and comfort Cas is strong, but he refrains, since that didn’t go so well the last time.. “Stop, Cas. Just – stop. One things at a time. First:  You’re not breaking up with me?”

Cas finally,  _finally_ , meets Sam’s eyes, and Sam has to hold back a gasp at the raw emotion he finds there. Cas has never been a very expressive person, but even under the emotion that strikes Sam like an arrow in his heart, there is concern and confusion and a little bit of incredulity. “I would never do any such thing,” he assures firmly, and that warms Sam just a little. “I will be with you until you tire of me or we both die. I don’t think I could live without you, after everything.”

“Okay,” Sam breathes in relief. “Okay, that’s good. I was worried. You don’t want to break up with me, but you want to stop being my Dom?” At Cas’s nod, Sam added, “But why? I really … I mean, our scenes have really helped me. You know that. And there isn’t a Dom in the world who could treat me better than you do.”

“Any respectful Dom in the world can treat you better than I do,” Cas asserts with such surety and vehemence that Sam is taken aback. Where is all of this coming from? Their scenes have been getting tamer, Sam had noticed – the punishments less taxing, the rewards more affectionate, more abundant. Sam simply thought it was because he was being good. Now, he realises that’s probably not the case.

“Cas,” Sam starts, but he’s at a loss for words. Cas is so gentle with him, makes sure he’s taken care of, makes sure Sam holds his head higher after every scene than before, makes sure he feels loved. And Sam does feel loved by Cas, so he really doesn’t understand the problem. “Sit down,” he finally decides, gesturing to the bed. Cas gives him a suspicious look, which only enhances when Sam follows, but complies and sits on the edge of the bed. Sam sits beside him, enough room between them that no part of them is touching, not even their knees when Sam turns to face Cas. It’s foreign, and it’s uncomfortable, not having that warmth and that weight beside him, but Sam buries that quickly. This isn’t about him. This is about Cas.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Sam prompts gently. Then, when Cas doesn’t answer after a long while, “If you want, we could make it a scene.” That promptly gets Cas’s attention, and Sam smothers a smile. “I could be the Dom, and you could be the sub, and I could make you tell me what’s bothering you the way you do with me. Or,” he adds offhandedly. “You could just tell me.”

Cas sighs, staring off towards the door – either looking at something Sam can’t see or spacing out. Or possibly considering just leaving. Then he places his hand on the mattress between them. Sam takes it as the invitation it is and weaves their fingers together, but he doesn’t push for any more contact.

“I’ve been told my whole life there was something wrong with me,” Cas starts. “In Heaven. They said something went wrong when I was created. I was too compassionate, too caring. I had a big heart, and that was a problem, but Joshua stood up for me, so I figured, if the messenger of God thought I was okay, then I was okay. I mean, that’s what angels were created for – loving. Well … not exactly, but after the humans were created, our only order was to love them deeply and completely. So I did. How could that be wrong?” Cas pauses and clears his throat softly. “I got off on a tangent. I apologise. The point is, I followed orders, even the ones that went against everything I personally believed in – because angels aren’t supposed to have personal beliefs. We’re a hive mind. Do as the queen says and don’t ask questions, and that’s exactly what I did.

“And then I met you.” Sam swallows thickly but doesn’t interrupt. “I said some things to you that were rude, although I did not know they were rude at the time. They were simply facts. But you … your soul was so bright and so pure and so beautiful … I remember my heart getting in the way, mourning the fact that the most beautiful soul I had ever seen, who otherwise would be – should be – canonised, would be smothered by Lucifer’s darkness.”

“Are you going to tell me this is the moment you fell in love with me?” Sam asks, only half joking.

“Maybe,” Cas answers honestly. “I don’t know. I spent a long time rejecting what I felt  about you. And after Falling the first time, just before the … just before you … “ Sam squeezes Cas’s hand to show he understands. Just before Stull. “I had finally accepted my feelings for what they were and – and I was experiencing these odd sensations I had never felt before, which I later learned was sexual attraction, and then you were just … gone.

“I had to save you. You know I did. You would have done the same for me. Probably. I hope. But I messed up yet again and I … “ Cas takes another deep breath, squeezes Sam’s hand back. “Sorry. I went on a tangent again.”

“It’s okay.”

“The point is … the point is I fell in love with someone I was never meant to, and I experienced and enjoyed the carnal pleasures we partook in. Angels are not made to fall in love or enjoy pleasures of the flesh, yet here I am. With you. And Sam,” Cas finally turns to face Sam, still not looking at him, and covers their joined hands with his free one. “I would do anything to keep you safe and happy and … I would do anything for you. If you told me to plunge an angel blade straight through my heart, I would.”

“I would never – “

“I know. It was just an example. A bit of a hyperbole, I suppose. But these scenes, the things we do together behind closed doors … Don’t get me wrong, I love having sex with you, I love the intimacy of it, but the rest? The punishments and the rewards and – and you kneeling at my feet like you’re somehow inferior to me – “

“Cas – “

“Please, let me finish. I can’t do this Sam. I can’t – I can’t continue taking pleasure from your pain. It sickens me that hurting you makes me feel good in ways that nothing else can. I love you, and I care about you, and I can’t keep treating you like this.”

Cas sounds close to tears, and Sam closes his eyes to keep his own at bay. He’s heard of this happening with D/s couples before, but he’s never heard of it happening with the Dom.

“Cas, can I please kiss you?” Sam’s voice sounds broken to his own ears, but Cas immediately turns so they can press their lips together – chaste, but no less meaningful. That’s all Sam needs, that little point of intimate contact, to keep going.

“Cas,” Sam says again, faces close enough that Sam takes the initiative to press their foreheads together. “Do you remember the last punishment you gave me?”

Cas laughs dryly, even as a tear makes its way down his face. “With the riding crop?”

“No. I asked for that. I specifically asked you to hit me with the riding crop.” That was an experiment, and they both learned it was not something they would not like to try again. “What was the last  _punishment_?”

Cas is silent as he thinks. “Are you referring to when I made you say only good things about yourself for a day?”

Sam nods. “Fifteen minutes of edging for every time I messed up. And I messed up a lot. That was a good day, Cas. You made me think positively of myself for once. Actually, you do that a lot. Your punishments are never physical, unless I need the extra feeling to make it through. You know that.”

Cas nods silently.

“And you also know that we have numerous safewords, including hand gestures and humming and a plethora of other things in case I need an out, in any situation.”

Cas nods again.

“And when have I ever once used one of my safewords?”

Cas has an answer immediately, much to Sam’s dismay. “When I left you alone in this room, unbound. It was supposed to be part of a punishment, but instead … “

Instead it triggered memories from the Cage. Sam does remember that, and he remembers Cas’s intense guilt afterwards –  _This wouldn’t have happened if I’d brought you back right, if I brought your soul out of Hell. This is all my fault._

“Right,” Sam continues, deciding to roll with it. “That one time. A year ago, or more. And when since then?” Sam doesn’t wait for an answer. “None. Cas, I get off on this too. The bondage and the edging and everything else we do. If anything I’m fucked up because I get off on pain. But not you, Cas. You’re  taking pleasure in my pleasure, because you know I’m in control. You’ll do anything I ask of you for a scene. I can stop it at any time with a single word. I might be submissive, but you’re a damn good Dom, and you know you’re not really the one in control here. So tell me, where can I find another Dom that understands me as well as you do, and tries to make me feel better about myself with every scene, and has a fucking angelic sixth sense so that you know when to back off or slow down before I even know I need you to? Where can I find a Dom like you?”

“Sam, I –”

“I swear, Cas, if you apologise or try to find another reason to leave me … “ Sam lets his voice trail off and pinches the bridge of his nose in concentration. They both did a hell of a lot of research before getting into this. If only he could remember what he read about drops. All he found were about subdrop, but he supposed the same thing could apply to Doms.

“Today is a lazy day,” Sam announces without preamble. “We’re not leaving this room except to eat and maybe take a bath later, if you’re up to it. Actually, a bubble bath with chardonnay sounds awesome, but that’s up to you. And so is the rest of the day. You want to watch movies? Or read a book? Or just sit here in silence all day? Fine. Whatever you want.”

“Why?” Cas asks. “I should be the one concerned about – “

“Nope. It’s your day. Anything that will make you feel better. Because if you really want out, Cas, I won’t stop you. We can end the Dom/sub stuff right now if that’s what you want. But I think more likely, relaxing and taking care of yourself today, and maybe tomorrow too, will make you feel better about the whole thing.”

“Taking a bath and drinking wine will make me feel better about hurting you?” Cas’s voice was dripping with incredulity.

“You’re not hurting me. That’s the point. Do you know how much worse off I’d be if it weren’t for our scenes? I’d be – I was – suicidal. Do you realise how much you’ve helped me?”

Cas doesn’t answer, even as Sam stands, letting Cas’s hand go. “Come on. I’m gonna grab all the pillows I can find, and that really fuzzy blanket you love so much, and we’re gonna make a nest and cuddle all damn day and maybe get you some sleep. When was the last time you slept?”

“Angels don’t need sleep.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna get you to sleep. And you’re going to let me take care of you until you feel better. Understood?”

Cas looks up at Sam, an indecipherable expression on his face. “If you insist,” he says in defeat.

Sam smiles, kisses Cas’s cheek, and goes to find some pillows, but stops himself halfway to the door. “Oh! And just so you know, this isn’t a scene, but if I’m doing something that makes you uncomfortable, just say the word and I’ll stop.”

Cas at least smirks at that. Sam counts it as a victory. 

 


End file.
